Exhaustion

I am going to do something I don't do too often, I am going to share with you how I really feel today...

I have had a rough 4 weeks.  I have found myself busier than I like to be and I am exhausted - physically, emotionally, and therefore spiritually exhausted.  

How does that happen?  I didn't wake up 4 weeks ago and say, "Let me see how much I can cram into the next 4 weeks.  Let me work myself into such a state of exhaustion that I can't think about anything else but how tired I am."  I didn't say any of those things, but clearly I didn't pace myself or take time for myself and my family somewhere in the midst of all that could not be avoided either.

Admittedly, I am all about the task; a task driven individual who actually works better under pressure.  I often wait till 5 days before my deadline to kick it in gear and, oddly enough, I seem to derive some kind of satisfaction in the midst of the exhaustion I complain about.  How warped is that?!?

Surely you can relate.

I know that I am not unique.  I have talked to countless women over the years who do not pace themselves, do not take care of themselves, and always put others first.  I am curious to know if men are the same.  I know my husband works hard at his job and when he comes home, he changes clothes and heads for the barn.  He does say, however, that working outside is his "therapy".  That doesn't make sense to me since he works so hard outside that he has been on the verge of heat exhaustion too many times.  

Rarely do I go for a mani/pedi, I even hate to stop long enough for a haircut; I spend the entire time thinking about all the things I should be doing.  I have several hobbies, but I don't make time for them.  Did I mention I don't have a job outside the home.  I am a stay-at-home mom!  What would my life be like if I did work outside the home!  OMGoodness...can't go there.

The big question is, do I need to be this busy?  The answer is a resounding NO !  That's the really sad part.  

So, how busy is too busy?  

For me, "too busy" is when I miss a doctor's appointment because I haven't looked at the calendar for the past 2 weeks.   "Too busy" is when Moi doesn't have any clean jeans and my husband has to go to Walmart to buy new underwear and socks because his are buried under 6 loads of dirty laundry.  "Too busy" is when the bill collectors begin calling because the unopened mail is somewhere on the desk I keep dumping stuff on to get it out of my way.  "Too busy" is realizing I only put mascara on one eye and can't remember if I used deodorant.  "Too busy" is forgetting to take my medicine or brush my teeth because I was distracted and wasn't able to follow my usual routine.  "Too busy" is smiling and saying everything's fine when what I really want to do is sleep for the next 24 hours, soak in a hot tub, and have a good cry.

I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who doesn't mind tripping over laundry, eating out, or supplementing his needs from Walmart.  He has always encouraged me to take more time for myself.  Maybe I should listen to him.  Things are slowing down.  Yesterday I was able to (and gave myself permission to) sleep in; thank You, Lord!  I spent some time with "the babies" (my youngest grandchildren) and cooked a beautiful meal for my entire family and a precious friend; it was a wonderful day!  Today the housekeeper is here doing all the things I have not been able to (bless her, Lord, she's so good to me). So today I am just going to relax - at least until it's time to fix dinner.  

This week I was reminded of what I already know full well, our days are numbered; we are not promised tomorrow.  There is no better time for me to start slowing down than now.  Maybe I'll start a new sewing project or go antiquing.  

What about you?